Here are the manifestations of paranormal activity that I am currently investigating under clinical laboratory conditions:
1. Are goats as evil as they look?
2. Butter-side down: the Satanic statistics of dropped toast
3. Poltergeists & Fahrvegnugen: Car keys and how the hell they got under the couch
4. Conspiracy: who is killing all the World War One veterans?
5. Anal probing in a non- saucer setting
6. Big-ass Sea-Monsters in Lake Champlain
7. Corrupt local businessmen posing as Ghosts: The Scooby-Doo Syndrome
8. Secret Society of the Beef industry; the Build-a-burger group
9. Hot Mayan Chicks: Pin-up girls of the Mayan calendar
10. WTC was structurally weakened by King Kong in 1977 (Jeff Bridges version)
This is just a sampling of the cutting-edge paranormal / conspiracy investigations currently underway. Breaking news as it happens.