Lost Keyz

[JO 753]

Summer 2004

I was driving home when I heard a metalic squeeking from under the car. ( 72 New Yorker ). The frequency & rythme indicated a U joint in need of grease. The drive is 50 miles, and I had to go back to that customer the next day, so I had to tend to it when I got home.

I also have a 69 Imperial, which had a patched up radiator at the time, so I grabbed both sets of keys with the idea of starting the Imp & letting it idle while I greased the joints on the NY.

Heres where it gets weird.

I put both sets of keys ( duplicates of everything except the car keys, so a pile totaling 16 keys and 2 split double rings ) on the surface plate in my basement while I changed into my working slops. This takes maybe 10 seconds. I grab the pile of keys and instantly feel that they arent all there. I blink bewilderedly at the single set in my hand and the smooth emty granite surface a few times.

I went all the way back upstairs on the outside chance that I hadnt actually taken both sets. Not there. I scan the entire path on the outside chance that I dropped them and somehow didnt hear it. Nope.
I check a wider area along the entire path. Starting to question my sanity, I look in every place where I may have put them when I got home 20 minutes before. I look in the pockets of the pants I was wearing. I spent about ten minutes searching. No freakin keys, man!

So I figure I can jack up the car without the keys and start the Imp. I'll search for the keys after I finish the lube & get some dinner.

I get under the car & discover that the U joints have no grease fittings ! This means they are the original stock parts. 32 years and 170,000 miles old. Bummer. Too late to get new ones today. I drop the car and go for a ride around the naborhood in the Imperial to get it good and hot. The epoxy patch seems to be holding, but I'm still figuring on driving the New Yorker because its much quieter and gets better mileage.

After eating dinner & watching some TV, I spend an hour looking for the keys. I even dig a bunch of junk out from the side and under the basement stairs. All this searching is crazy, because I would have had to halucinate the keys being in my hand. But it would have been more believable than them disappearing. Still no keys.

So I had to drive the Imperial the next day. The radiator blew 20 seconds after I parked. I had to rent a car to get home and the fix was 600$.
(I shortened this part of the story even tho other odd things happened )

I spent another hour or 2 searching for the keys that weekend. No keys, but I did find a repair reciept from 1983 for brakes on my dads 78 Omni. In excellent condition. On the basement floor. Which has flooded dozens of times since I moved in here 12 years ago.

The next week, I got the new U joints. The old ones were FRIED. The outer housing on 3 of the bearings were missing chunks! There is no chance that they would have survived another 80 mph run down to Chicago. It could have been very violent.

For a few months after that, I was hoping the keys would show up in some odd place. I occasionally did a little search now and then.
I have spares for that car, so at least I didnt have to change the locks.

I am sure that the keys disappeared. I cant prove it, of course. All I know is that I had them and then they were gone in less than 10 seconds. I live with 5 cats and 0 people. Its barely possible that 1 of the cats took an uncharacteristic and temporary interest in keys and somehow picked them up in the quiet basement 7 feet away without me seeing or hearing it. And then hid them very well.

Or maybe a crippled me from the future uses a time machine to move them to 1984 ( or some few years later ) to my parents house in Chicago & has to move something back here to preserve the balance.

Or maybe I have a guardian angel. Or or or or.....

Maybe I'll have another look around, based on the cat theory.

---------------
I wrote that in 2005 in the Skeptics forum.

The keyz turned up in 2009 on a shelf in the basement. I am 100% certain that I did not put them there and I must have looked at that shelf duzenz uv timez in the yearz since the incident.

[NinjaPuppy]

Misplacing keys used to be my specialty.

What I can't believe about your story is that a '72 New Yorker was still alive in 2004. Those cars were major pieces of crap.

[JO 753]

The finest car ever built! (wen its running)

I'm still driving it. The 440 engine and the 727 tranz are legendary for their power & durability.

But, youre rite. ALOT uv planned obsolescence in theze carz. The Imperialz used the same engine and tranz, but everything else wuz bilt much better.

[NinjaPuppy]

[Craig Browning]

[JO 753]

A few inchez longer, but Ford had already started making cream puffs by then. Lots uv plastic and thin sheet metal on a flimzy frame.

The New Yorkerz were bilt pretty heavy, but the Imperialz were so solid that they were banned frum demolition derbyz!