Gforcewarp9, you seem to be bitter at the world and unwilling to accept any kind of responsibility about your own reality. Like so many, your lack of "faith" is what keeps you from seeing how there is a truth to the metaphysical explanations and yes, it does explain why we have so many starving and impoverished people in the world as well as deformed children or "accidents", etc. Your experiences focusing on the extremes -- those that live in the fantasy world, as I call it, vs. those that are a bit more inclusive when it comes to actual metaphysical principle. "New Age" types love to find loop holes, especially when it comes to Karma; literally rewriting what this law is, does and its area of effect. The Lord Buddha has many stories in his life about times he didn't collect tithes or was harmed or suffered loss and he ALWAYS tied it to past life situations and his earned karma. Today's New Age types want us to believe that Karma only happens in our current lifetime and in the "now" vs. from life to life, as has been taught for millennia. To this end I think we actually agree on the idea of how "fake" these people are not to mention how smug and un-god-like
they are when it comes to being a living example. Quite frankly, they're just as annoying as those fanatical Christians out there trying to save everyone's soul.
Your experiences of rejection and "not feeling the love" however, do come from how you have rejected and looked down at the very people you sought help from -- you literally created this problem for yourself. The fact that you've shared it here tells me that you are looking for a way to fix your life and get out of your hole but I'd say, given how much venom you seem to have stored away that you're not ready to deal with what must be done to fix it all. The course isn't directly mystical and filled with meditation, chanting, etc. though aspects of the system that will help you, evolved out of that world. Point blank, you need some serious mental health counseling and possibly more; you need to have someone that can help you look at yourself a bit more honestly than you're used to doing and find where you have created the issues in your life. 12-step Programs would call this an "Inventory" or 4th step but there's more to it than that. That fact is, dealing with your own inner-truths is universal and clinically proven to be the second step
towards correcting the direction your life is heading. . . the first step is realizing that you can no longer ignore that 500 lb gorilla that keeps you feeling suppressed and stifled, and the fact that you honestly need help dealing with your own truth. It's time consuming, painful and frequently the sort of thing that baby steps are needed in, but until you do this you can't escape the hellish and "empty" life you've known . . . the life that's obviously made you rather bitter.
Don't judge the Pagan/New Age types too harshly in that a truth does exist within what they teach. Like any teaching you must learn to filter the B.S. in order to find the more legitimate essence of truth laying at its core or, as the case were, finding those "elders" that have walked the path for decades, many of them kicking & screaming along the way (in much the way you are) but who ultimately came to understand the simplicity of it all and the value of living life vs. sitting around chanting, praying and walking through all manner of theatrics thinking it will give you enlightenment. It doesn't work that way! Never has, never will. True enlightenment and personal freedom come through two courses of action; learning to know and no longer fear your own personal truth, and to serve as a care-giver to all that live within this dimension and the Universe itself.
Take a look at the Old Testament prophets and show me one major player that wasn't tormented by their own hypocrisy let alone what they saw and condemned in others. They still held to a sense of belief and a desire to serve that greater purpose even though they were tasked regularly, to face their deepest fears and uncertainty. This is what life is about; enduring such things but likewise growing as the result of them, allowing the hard times to help us find the light, so to speak.
No, all that "hippie stuff" as you call it, isn't valid. It's filled with crass commercialism, hypocrisy and all the other blights you will find in any other path of faith. Don't let what you see in the actions of the many blind you from the greater truth -- the wisdom and act of true being that will be found within the few. You see, no matter the tradition, religion or philosophy the true adherents of that path is rarely observed and followed by more than 10% of the congregation -- look for those that aren't "in it" for self-glorification and you'll find the more honest teachers. Most of my teachers have been rapscallions and hell raisers not those freaks that sit on fluffy pillows with pink cloud dreams and rose tinted glasses.
I really hope that you find a genuine guide that you can trust and relate to. Someone that can help you sit aside your trepidation long enough to try healing your own life and life view.