Carl Sagan - Kook

[Nostradamus]

[Kevin Kane]

2011: President Obama cancels the ill-concieved NASA Constellation program of manned exploration of Mars .. and is assassinated by anti-government Tea Baggers.

2017: Corporate missions to Mars begin.

2026: The first mining colony on Mars is established and named "Dick", after Phillip K Dick.

2030: Monsanto Corporation introduces it's line of 3 breasted prostitutes for Mars workers.

2046: Socialist revolutionaires, wearing Che-Obama T-Shirts, try to cut off the oxygen supply to the colony. Civil anarchy ensues.

2047: A message from Earth, played to the citizens of Dick on the PA System interrupts the madness. It is Dr. Carl Sagan.


"Hey Mars people, I come in peace.

Can you hear the lovely waterfall in the background of my swinging pad? I was just listening to some Dizzy Gillespie when I decided to record this message to you. I don't know what you're doing on Mars, but I hope I'm not interrupting anything important.

Kuato and his oxygen-stealing terrorists must be stopped.

The doors of the wonderworld are unfolding.

Don't let them hit you in the ass.

I wish I could be with you, but you're me and I'm you, and we're not holograms at Rekall.

Stick this up your nose and watch out for 3 breasted whores.

Hidely-Ho, Martiarinos!"

[Kevin Kane]

Billions and Billions of years from today,

On a galaxy, far, far away;

An advanced race of super intelligent jellyfish,

Have discovered a golden record attached to an alien spacecraft,

With naked drawings on it.

They listen to the music.

And look at the pictures of Earth.

Finally, they find the hidden Easter Egg;

An hours worth of brainwave recordings of Ann Druyan

With no method of playback,

And containing no decipherable information,

The jellyfish race of beings realize ..

That they are the only intelligent beings in the Universe

[Kevin Kane]

The chances of the Voyager spacecraft being found by space aliens are Astronomically High.

The chances of deciphering Ann Duryan's brainwave recordings: Big Zero.

It's the low-tech audio equivalent of a brain PET scan.



What's the Lassie? Timmy's in the well ... send Nacho chips?


Kooky skeptic science, that's what we're talking about.