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Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

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Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Scepcop » 28 Jul 2012, 15:53

Some deep questions I have about life.

Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why does every choice seem to lead to suffering? It's like when you make a choice, you find yourself wishing that you had made the other choice!

For example, if you are single, you will long for the love, companionship and stability of marriage and committed relationships. You will often feel lonely, like no one really cares about you or is there for you.

But if you are married, then you long for the freedom of being single and feel like a caged bird with obligations and responsibilities, unfree to meet other exciting women and develop new connections, or pursue your passions.

If you are a perpetual traveler wandering around the world, after a while you may long for the stability of a home, family, routine, stable friends, etc. But if you have a normal stable routine life, then you may long for adventure, new experiences, freedom, seeing new lands, etc.

Or, take these simpler examples:

If you stay home too long, you will feel bored, like you need to get out and have some fresh air and move around. But if you are out for a while (esp if you are an introvert), you will feel tired and miss the comfort of a cozy home. Isn't that weird?

If you stop eating junk food, you will crave it after a while and miss the flavor. But if you stuff yourself with junk food, then you will feel guilty and wish you hadn't. At that point, you will realize that staying healthy and not eating it would have been better. But if you hadn't eaten it, then you would have felt the craving for it! So either way, you lose and suffer!

It seems that whatever choice you make leads to suffering. Why is that? Is the universe playing some cruel trick on us? Are we meant to suffer and crave and feel dissatisfied?

Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why does the grass on the other side always appear to be more desirable? Why do we always regret the choice we didn't make?

Is this what Buddha meant when he said that "the nature of life is suffering?"
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 28 Jul 2012, 18:23

Scepcop wrote:Is this what Buddha meant when he said that "the nature of life is suffering?"



Yes. Have you had any mystical experiences outside of your childhood exp. w/ Xianity, SCECOP?
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Scepcop » 28 Jul 2012, 18:29

Twain Shakespeare wrote:
Scepcop wrote:Is this what Buddha meant when he said that "the nature of life is suffering?"



Yes. Have you had any mystical experiences outside of your childhood exp. w/ Xianity, SCECOP?


Yes I have. When I was 14 I had a transcendental experience after experiencing extreme suffering. For a few days, I felt a taste of nirvana and bliss.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Arouet » 28 Jul 2012, 21:43

Really the point here is about balance.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby NinjaPuppy » 29 Jul 2012, 01:14

I'm going to play devil's advocate here, so forgive me in advance if I come across blunt, insensitive or mentally deranged.

Scepcop wrote:Some deep questions I have about life. Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why does every choice seem to lead to suffering? It's like when you make a choice, you find yourself wishing that you had made the other choice!

For me, I don't really care if my grass is greener or if I have dry dirt. Whatever I have is of my own choosing and perhaps I value being able to make my choices more than the outcome of my choices. For me, life choices are not black and white, yes or no. I'll explain one example in your next example.

Scepcop wrote:For example, if you are single, you will long for the love, companionship and stability of marriage and committed relationships. You will often feel lonely, like no one really cares about you or is there for you.
But if you are married, then you long for the freedom of being single and feel like a caged bird with obligations and responsibilities, unfree to meet other exciting women and develop new connections, or pursue your passions.

Let me start here by saying this about marriage: It's an outdated ritual. Talk about your government conspiracy to keep us under control. Being legally married is it. As far as being a caged bird with obligations and responsibilities, (they are only in your mind) unfree to meet other exciting women, (sorry, but we are pretty much all the same in the long run and where we differ, we will change if the same buttons are pushed) and develop new connections, (that are going to pretty much take the same course as your last connection because humans are creature of habit) or pursue your passions. (if two people don't share the same exact passions, the other will never really give a sh** or even understand why you have that passion)

Or, take these simpler examples:

Scepcop wrote:If you stay home too long, you will feel bored, like you need to get out and have some fresh air and move around. But if you are out for a while (esp if you are an introvert), you will feel tired and miss the comfort of a cozy home. Isn't that weird?

Nope, it's normal. Now for me, I have borderline agoraphobia so I have to push myself to go out at times but even I get the urge to venture out beyond my front yard. Needless to say, I don't travel well so I didn't address your travel example. I do travel but it's out of necessity and not enjoyment.

Scepcop wrote:If you stop eating junk food, you will crave it after a while and miss the flavor. But if you stuff yourself with junk food, then you will feel guilty and wish you hadn't. At that point, you will realize that staying healthy and not eating it would have been better. But if you hadn't eaten it, then you would have felt the craving for it! So either way, you lose and suffer!

You don't lose and suffer. If you give in to junk food, you may put on a few pounds, break out in pimples, be less healthy and shorten your life a few years but you don't lose and suffer. If you stop eating junk food, you may crave it and miss the flavor but that's nothing but a habit. As for the guilt, that's one of those Catholic/Christian things you got going for you. Like Arouet said, it's about balance. Take some time to savor that junk food and keep portion size in context. I crave potato chips every now and then. My way of dealing with food cravings is not to buy the junk in the first place but if I get a bad craving (and remember, it's got to be pretty bad to make me to go out) I go to my local gas station and buy ONE individual size serving bag of chips. I don't buy a bag called "The Pounder" because if I do... it will be half gone in one sitting once I start eating them. You know, they're right when they say, "You can't eat just one". Trust me, I've tried it a bajillion times.

Scepcop wrote:It seems that whatever choice you make leads to suffering. Why is that? Is the universe playing some cruel trick on us? Are we meant to suffer and crave and feel dissatisfied?

Take this from another angle... Suppose if your other choice would have lead to worse suffering? I live by a little known piece of Murphy's Law: "Things are never so bad that they can't get worse." I guess instead of feeling deprived, my choices make me feel grateful.

Scepcop wrote:Is this what Buddha meant when he said that "the nature of life is suffering?"

That's an interesting quote. I must ponder that one a bit.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 29 Jul 2012, 10:45

Then SCECOP, try to have another. Live with the discipline (any of them) that help one achieve "Detachment, balance, harmony" rather it is Yoga, Zen, or Miester Eckhardt, etc.

SCECOP, I don't know if you are still such a psychological infant as to suffer yourself from those probs, but I doubt it. I think you understand the simplest insight of Siddharta well enough that such distresses with you are temporary and dealt with naturally, but there is a state or more of growth beyond that maturity.

Ninja, from what I have read of you, you have already achieved normal maturity, and are not still caught up in infantile destractions. In my own experience, that puts you in the wrong place to understand the statement with the force it comes with when ffelt by one in the dark night of the soul. Buddhism is a twelve step program for recovering children, first and foremost. Now Zen, that's for grown ups. I suggest you comtemplate not the statement "All is sorrow" but rather the question "Who is the Great Lord Who makes the grass green?"
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby NinjaPuppy » 29 Jul 2012, 20:28

Twain Shakespeare wrote:I suggest you comtemplate not the statement "All is sorrow" but rather the question "Who is the Great Lord Who makes the grass green?"

If I take that question in the literal sense, the answer would be: Ritchie. He's my landscaper.
In the more philosophical sense, I'd have to say that the answer is: Me.

Not to make it sound like I am anywhere close to the level of what many consider any great God or anything like that. I feel that I am given certain opportunities and tools to use as I please. Each day I wake up and have a new beginning or "fresh start". I guess it can be summarized by saying that I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time.

To me, the grass will only be green if you make it green. Green grass is nice but I prefer flowers. You can't have flowers unless you take the time to plant them and take care of them. Otherwise you'll find yourself strolling among a bunch of weeds.

Speaking of weeds... I find that weeds are very much like worthless people in your life. You know the type. Weeds are people who don't have your same outlook on life. They may have a place in your life and even weeds can be worked into the landscape of you life. As they say, a weed is a flower that grows where you don't want it to.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby critusodem » 30 Jul 2012, 02:42

Scepcop wrote:Some deep questions I have about life.

Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why does every choice seem to lead to suffering? It's like when you make a choice, you find yourself wishing that you had made the other choice!
"


Always as in every single time, no matter what?
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 30 Jul 2012, 05:33

critusodem wrote:
Scepcop wrote:Some deep questions I have about life.

Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why does every choice seem to lead to suffering? It's like when you make a choice, you find yourself wishing that you had made the other choice!
"


Always as in every single time, no matter what?



Okay, that's just atrick of lighting
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 30 Jul 2012, 05:41

NinjaPuppy wrote:
Twain Shakespeare wrote:I suggest you comtemplate not the statement "All is sorrow" but rather the question "Who is the Great Lord Who makes the grass green?"

If I take that question in the literal sense, the answer would be: Ritchie. He's my landscaper.
In the more philosophical sense, I'd have to say that the answer is: Me.


You are correct according to the Zen masters, but I think you reached that conclusion logically, rather than thru mystical exercizes.

I got the lightbulb in the head experience when I realized that in Japanese, there is only one word for "green" and "blue", so I meditated on the statement "Who is the Great Lord Who makes the grass blue?" until I couldn't tell the dif between green and blue, then everything went white as a 400 watt light bulb went off in my pituitary gland!

We are the ones who define reality for ourselves. Our sensations, perceptions, thoughts, and moods are changable thru efforts of will. (although, in some cases, meds help)
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby NinjaPuppy » 30 Jul 2012, 06:08

Twain Shakespeare wrote:
NinjaPuppy wrote:
Twain Shakespeare wrote:I suggest you comtemplate not the statement "All is sorrow" but rather the question "Who is the Great Lord Who makes the grass green?"

If I take that question in the literal sense, the answer would be: Ritchie. He's my landscaper.
In the more philosophical sense, I'd have to say that the answer is: Me.


You are correct according to the Zen masters, but I think you reached that conclusion logically, rather than thru mystical exercizes.

No, not logically. I promise. Since I've studied Wicca pretty extensively I have the mystical part of life down pat.

TS wrote:We are the ones who define reality for ourselves. Our sensations, perceptions, thoughts, and moods are changable thru efforts of will.

I'd prefer to substitute the word "reality" with "destiny". We're a work in process until the day we die and possibly beyond.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 30 Jul 2012, 06:24

I love you Ninja. I almost ready, after that, to go public with my "paranormal experience" that occured between 9:58 and midnight of the 26th of July 2012
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby NinjaPuppy » 30 Jul 2012, 06:31

Twain Shakespeare wrote:I love you Ninja. I almost ready, after that, to go public with my "paranormal experience" that occured between 9:58 and midnight of the 26th of July 2012

Well do tell! But start another topic thread for this so as not to make this topic go off topic.
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Twain Shakespeare » 30 Jul 2012, 08:28

New thread "a god from the machine" in Share your paranormal exp. Forum
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Re: Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Postby Scepcop » 30 Jul 2012, 20:38

Also, why does Murphy's Law seem to control the universe? It seems like the universe is always against you, giving you the opposite of what you want.

For example:

- What you want the most is always the hardest to get, and what you want the least is the easiest to get.

- By the time someone becomes financially independent, they will have lost their youth, be over the hill and less attractive, so that they can't enjoy their freedom as much as if they were young.

- By the time you finally get what you want, it's already too late. Or you don't get what you want until it's too late.

- Great jobs that involve travel usually go to people with families, rather than to people who are free and single.

- Women don't want you unless you are already taken or attached. You are probably more likely to meet your soulmate when you are already married than when you are single.

- You always find something the last place you look. If you look for something and it can be in five possible places, you always find it in the 5th place rather than the first through fourth.

- When I am at an intersection and don't know which way to turn, and take a random guess, 90 percent of the time I make the wrong turn. How can a 50/50 chance go wrong 90 percent of the time?!

- Why do interruptions come at the worst times?

- Why do important calls come when you are not available to answer the phone or when you step out for a minute?

- Why does traffic increase when you are late? Why do other cars in front of you move slower when you are late?

Have any of you noticed this? Why is the universe always against us? Why does Murphy's Law rule the universe rather than some fair and just God? Is the universe some kind of a trickster?
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