To Shift Gears a Tad. . . The holidays, at least in the U.S. over the past four or generations, really haven't been the mushy Dickens or Moore type fantasy. It is that time of year when more of us are trying to find a way to NOT be with family or else, in a bitter dispute between whose family will be visited when it comes to the couple with a handful of freshly hatched kids. It is a time for old wounds to be re-opened and long held disputes made difficult.
This is a time of year when the elderly get forgotten and the impoverished left to the whey-side by the bulk of society.
It's no secret that I survive on less than $800.00 a month via SSI. . . I'm one of those terrible mooches according to congress, that simply didn't think ahead and work had enough, etc. So they want to take from me whatever sum they deem right, because I'm a blight and burden to the nation. . . If I need help I must go to a church and ask for it. . .
So, in order to have a hot holiday meal I have to listen to a sermon about something I don't believe in first. . . no thanks!
Aside from the fact that such is a huge ploy by the right to force everyone into a single belief in this country, it's simply wrong and unethical. But there is more to the portrait when it comes to the Holiday's and gift exchanges, etc. How, the humble and content within my building, look out for one another. We exchange cookies, breads and other such such things we've made ourselves; we tuck simple cards beneath one another's door with a holiday wish and so much more. . . and frequently in "silence" no one knowing for certain who the "Secret Santa" really is.
Over the past week my Holiday time has been filled with back & forth trips to the hospital as a yet another chronic issue seems to be entering my life -- an enlarged heart or so it seems, we're still in the investigation phase of things but still, it's humorous how the universe times such things. . . it has to be seen as such or else one might go mad and doing something drastic. Especially when the core of your existence is a 12 year old black cat and whomever you can interact with on line.
Yes, I'm frustrated and most certainly juggling some "dark" thoughts. . . not in the serious mode of wanting to surrender, but most certainly pondering what I could have possibly done in this or a previous life time, to know this level of karmic hell. I'm really beginning to think I had to be Hitler or someone worse, though such is merely dark thoughts.
Overcoming Dark Thoughts is the challenge of this season, not just for me but for millions of us that are without, horrified of the idea of being around anything even hinting at "family" (as in direct kin). We overcome the darkness by finding a fellow to cuddle up with beneath a nearby bridge and share an bottle, maybe even a candy bar if we're lucky. . . we overcome it by the exchange of some cookies or simple well wishes given to others with no expectation of reprise. . . we overcome by finding our own ounce or two of humanity within our selves and relishing it because of the hope it delivers to the desperate and displaced.
When the heart & mind are one and we are able to step outside our own angst, this is when we find ourselves in the true spirit of the holidays, doing what has always been done during this season of tithing and grace. We know that the gift of well wishing has nothing to do with price or image and everything to do with heart and positive thought.
Why must we find ourselves in the throws of carnal poverty before we awaken to such treasures and values?
It is however, this fall that grants to most the greatest gift of all; freedom from our selfishness.