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The Top Ten

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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ProfWag » 18 Nov 2009, 00:42

Without further anticipation, I present to you the real Ten Commandments (special thanks to jhuger.com for pointing it out to me.) I especially find #2 fun to read.

Exodus 34:12-28, King James Bible
I Take heed to thyself, lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land whither thou goest, lest it be for a snare in the midst of thee: But ye shall destroy their altars, break their images, and cut down their groves:
II For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God: Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice; And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.
III Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
IV The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep. Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, as I commanded thee, in the time of the month Abib: for in the month Abib thou camest out from Egypt.
V All that openeth the matrix is mine; and every firstling among thy cattle, whether ox or sheep, that is male. But the firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb: and if thou redeem him not, then shalt thou break his neck. All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty.
VI Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest: in earing time and in harvest thou shalt rest.
VII And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end. Thrice in the year shall all your menchildren appear before the LORD God, the God of Israel. For I will cast out the nations before thee, and enlarge thy borders: neither shall any man desire thy land, when thou shalt go up to appear before the LORD thy God thrice in the year.
VIII Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven; neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.
IX The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God.
X Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.

And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel. 28And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby NinjaPuppy » 18 Nov 2009, 00:52

ProfWag wrote:And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel. 28And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.

OY VEY! What really gets me is this: And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water.

Now I've been told by some pretty reliable sources that the human body can't go without water for more than 7 days (give or take a few days) so I'd say that Moses must have been drinking something.....
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ciscop » 18 Nov 2009, 02:29

well.. i think the one that said it all about the 10 commandments was the late George Carlin
this is hilarious!
For every person who reads this valuable book there are hundreds of naïve souls who would prefer to have their spines tingled by a sensational but worthless potboiler by some hack journalist of the paranormal. You who now read these sentences join a small but wiser minority. Martin Gaardner (Psychology of the Psychic)
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ProfWag » 18 Nov 2009, 02:53

Uhhh Ciscop, I'm at work. Can I actually play this outloud?
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ProfWag » 18 Nov 2009, 02:54

NinjaPuppy wrote:
ProfWag wrote:And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel. 28And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.

OY VEY! What really gets me is this: And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water.

Now I've been told by some pretty reliable sources that the human body can't go without water for more than 7 days (give or take a few days) so I'd say that Moses must have been drinking something.....

Wasn't Noah, like, 650 years old when he died? I think their counting was a bit off in those days...
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ciscop » 18 Nov 2009, 03:06

ProfWag wrote:Uhhh Ciscop, I'm at work. Can I actually play this outloud?


nah my advice is to wait until you get at home, its hilarious
george carlin was funny because he was so smart
For every person who reads this valuable book there are hundreds of naïve souls who would prefer to have their spines tingled by a sensational but worthless potboiler by some hack journalist of the paranormal. You who now read these sentences join a small but wiser minority. Martin Gaardner (Psychology of the Psychic)
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby brett » 18 Nov 2009, 04:09

NinjaPuppy wrote:Now can you name all of the 7 dwarfs?


yep :Bashful ,Doc , Dopey ,Grumpy ,Happy, Sleepy &Sneezy

and even the little ditty they played :" ho hum the tune is dumb ,the words don't mean a thing , isn't this a silly song for any one to sing ? " - this was when they where entertaining snow white in their house

and i have not seen that film in over 40 years !! ;)
LIFE - just filling the bits between birth, death and taxes
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ciscop » 18 Nov 2009, 04:35

brett wrote:
NinjaPuppy wrote:Now can you name all of the 7 dwarfs?


yep :Bashful ,Doc , Dopey ,Grumpy ,Happy, Sleepy &Sneezy

and even the little ditty they played :" ho hum the tune is dumb ,the words don't mean a thing , isn't this a silly song for any one to sing ? " - this was when they where entertaining snow white in their house

and i have not seen that film in over 40 years !! ;)


wow
nice memory
i saw the movie in spanish
so the names are different
but i could only recall Doc (same name), Tontin (Dopey), Dormilon (Sleepy) and Gruñon (Grumpy)
i remember happy and sneezy now that you mention them.. but bashfull.. i dont even know what that means
For every person who reads this valuable book there are hundreds of naïve souls who would prefer to have their spines tingled by a sensational but worthless potboiler by some hack journalist of the paranormal. You who now read these sentences join a small but wiser minority. Martin Gaardner (Psychology of the Psychic)
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby NinjaPuppy » 18 Nov 2009, 06:19

Thanks for the Carlin video Ciscop. Most excellent!

Very good on the dwarfs Brett.
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby NinjaPuppy » 18 Nov 2009, 06:21

BTW, George Carlin learned the Commandments exactly as I did. He recites them verbatim to what I remember.
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby brett » 19 Nov 2009, 01:07

bashfull means shy or retiring ciscop - bit like you really :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
LIFE - just filling the bits between birth, death and taxes
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby ciscop » 19 Nov 2009, 03:31

brett wrote:bashfull means shy or retiring ciscop - bit like you really :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


oooooooooh!!! timido!
i remember!
hahahaha
For every person who reads this valuable book there are hundreds of naïve souls who would prefer to have their spines tingled by a sensational but worthless potboiler by some hack journalist of the paranormal. You who now read these sentences join a small but wiser minority. Martin Gaardner (Psychology of the Psychic)
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Re: The Top Ten

Postby brett » 21 Nov 2009, 14:13

ahh timido ! - is that like 'scorchio" ?? - you may enjoy this from some of our uk comedians ;) :lol:

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